I Hate Twenty One Pilots

 

By Chuck Greenlee

Hey, so remember when you were in middle school and you listened to great bands like All Time Low and Forever the Sickest Kids? Yeah, I do too. It was freaking rad. Well, kids these days aren’t getting the Osiris shoe-fueled rock that we once had. Instead, there is something so much worse it pains me to even say it.

Twenty One Pilots.

You know them. How the heck could you not? Your younger cousins blare them on repeat while wearing their “skeleton clique” shirts — so let me just pop-off about how much I hate Tyler Joseph and Josh Dunn for a hot sec.

First off, let’s start with a confession. I bumped Vessel pretty heavily in high school. It was fun, it was different from most of what I had ventured into at that time. Heck, I’ll even slip into a private session on Spotify to listen to “Fake You Out” and “Holding Onto You” every now and again. It was sweet, I loved driving through my suburban town and blaring Twenty One Pilots between various Mac Miller tracks like the typical lacrosse player I was.

Then they released Blurryface.

Blurryface might actually be one of the worst albums I have ever heard.

Blurryface is the single cheesiest attempt for any 20-something-year-old to appeal to 13-year-olds since, I actually don’t know, probably all of time. Blurryface may actually the worst album released in 2015. Yeah, you heard me @twentyonepilots.

The monstrosity opens up with “Heavydirtysoul.” This is some angry plea from Tyler Joseph to the listener to save his — you guessed it — “heavy, dirty soul.” Between his teenage angst-filled vocals and painted neck, there isn’t a whole lot to this song other than it’s loud. Not loud in a good way, like, they just kinda recorded it really loud or whatever.

There is just absolutely zero creativity in the album as a whole. I feel like I could open up any preteen’s diary and find the exact lyrics from the songs from most of Twenty One Pilot’s work. Here is a bit from their song “The Judge”:

“You’re the judge, oh no, set me free.”

As you can tell, there was a lot of creativity and effort that went into writing that song.

The most concerning part of the band, rather than the lack of creativity and pretentiousness they seem to have, is their fan base.

“The Skeleton Clique,” as they call themselves, is the most terrifying thing I have encountered since that one time my high school girlfriend left me alone in Victoria’s Secret. It is just a bunch of middle school kids wearing Twenty One Pilots gear and thinking they are above the average 15 year-old because their music is “different.” After writing this blog, I now feel the need to sleep with one eye open because the Skeleton Clique is probably going to come and murder me in my sleep at any give point.

Regardless of this rant, Twenty One Pilots offers nothing new. Sure, they have a decent message of promoting self-worth, but conveying it in a way that makes the listener feel superior to non-listeners is far from a positive message. The duo is doing their best to cater to the population that is going to give them the most money, just like every other band that sells out.

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